From: Employee of a hospital in the northeast
To: Me
Date: 12/07/2012
Subject: Registration for Maternity Tour
Thank you for registering for Maternity Tour at Hospital.
Your registration is provisional for the course.
Course Name: Maternity Tour
Course Date and Time: Sun, Jan 20, 2013 3:15PM - 4:15PM
Instructor: Judy
Special Instructions/Comments:Partners may attend To process registration, when asked for payment - click "check" to process. Tour is Free. Do not send check.
Name: Kimberly Henderson
This registration is provisional. To confirm this registration please send your check for $Free to the following address:
Address of hospital in northeast
From: Me
To: Employee of a hospital in the northeast
Date: 12/07/2012
Subject: Registration for Maternity Tour
I have a few questions that I hope you will be able to answer during the Maternity Tour for which I have registered. If you prefer to answer me directly in email, that's fine too.
1 - Will we be given a map prior to the tour? I have a fear of getting lost in hospitals. The reason is this: the last time I was in a hospital, it was because my older brother, Anthony, had gotten a concussion at a little league game. You should understand that Anthony doesn't play little league anymore - that would be silly since he's 25. He just likes to watch the games and yell things like, "Hey batter batter swing!" and such. I digress. So, Anthony gets a concussion at the little league game not because he got hit in the head by a fly ball, but because the popcorn machine was equipped with too much oil causing a mini-explosion. It was the knob on the door of the exploding popcorn machine that caused the concussion. At the hospital, the front desk told me to walk straight down the hall, take a left at the second nurse's station, take elevator D to the 4th floor, exit the elevator to the left, go to the first nurses station and ask for further directions. I know this sounds simple to you, but you must remember I was very worried about my brother. I was concerned he might be burned by the hot popcorn oil. It's amazing he wasn't if you think about it. With this on my mind, I walked straight away from the information desk, took a left at the second nurse's station, took elevator D to the 4th floor, exited the elevator to the right, and walked straight into the Psychiatric unit. I was later told that the door is normally locked, but another person was leaving and held the door for me. You see how things like this can happen. It was three days before the hospital realized that I was not a patient, but in fact a visitor. Three days of me telling them the story above only to be told to 'calm down' and 'take this pill'. In short, I would like a map.
2 - Will we be provided with detailed biographies of all nurses and physicians in the maternity department? I saw a story on the news about a nurse who steals babies, so I will need to do my own research on your staff before I will commit to bringing my precious baby into this world in your hospital. On the other hand, I would like to know who the weak link is (if there is one) so that I can have an ally if I choose to switch babies. As you are aware, some babies are cuter than others.
C - Does "pregnancy brain" affect one's ability to remember their own email address? If not, I would recommend you admit the Kimberly Henderson who shows up to this Maternity Tour to your psychiatric unit. She is using my email address - the email address of a single, un-pregnant girl in Atlanta, GA.
Have a marvelous day and see if you can't straighten her out when you see her. Thanks!
The REAL Kimberly Henderson
